The more and more I learn about mindfulness and curiosity, the more I am in awe of their power. For at least the past 3 years, I’ve both researched and thought about these topics, as well as conducted my own personal experiments in them.
When I entered my Junior year of college, just after my first experience living abroad (in Paraguay) for the summer, I remember consistent and intense feelings of overwhelm. At 20 years old, living in Paraguay was my first interactions and observations in a third-world country, and while I was familiar with the statistics about my privilege having grown up in the U.S., actually seeing people trying to make ends meet with such scarce resources caused a deeper, more visceral understanding of it. When I got back to the States, I just didn’t feel like what I was doing was important.
So I began questioning everything, and if “reverse culture shock” is real, I was having it. I wondered why I was studying economics when at my heart I really loved helping people? Should I take time off? What did I want to do after college? Banking and finance, the industries that my degree was preparing me for, sounded terrible–sitting in a cube for long hours every day felt like getting closer to dying and doing nothing but making money for myself. Plus, it seemed to lack exploration and creativity, important traits for me. These kinds of thoughts were flooding my mind, and, consistently, I was getting close to having panic attacks.
In response to this, two things happened. First, I decided to see a counselor at my school (cause, you know, panic attacks aren’t that fun), and second, I became curious about a concept that I had learned about in my Introductory Psychology class the year before. Seeing the counselor helped me very much in the short term–it validated my use of journaling and talking out issues with friends as very healthy and helpful strategies–and within 3 sessions I felt more grounded and emotionally resilient. The second action I took was revisiting the concepts of intrinsic versus extrinsic rewards.
So, what are intrinsic and external rewards?
Intrinsic rewards are the positive feelings or enjoyment that we get from doing an activity itself. Intrinsic rewards are present in the activities we do just because we like it. For me, I get intrinsic rewards from playing tennis—I simply like the feeling of hitting the ball, running around outside, and the geometry of the game. Tennis is something I would do even if there was no winning. Rather than being a means to an end, it is an end in itself.
External rewards, on the other hand, are the goodies you get when you do some kind of activity. They were the treats you got when you behaved as a kid. They may have also been the reason you studied hard—not because you found the subject interesting, but rather to get a high grade in your class. External rewards tend to be the “carrots.”
While external rewards can be helpful in certain situations, in the long run they may jeopardize our joy and fulfillment from the activities in which we partake. The reason being, as Lisa Belkin writes in her NYT article, is that relying on external rewards can produce “temporary obedience” but actually diminish a person’s interest in whatever activity they need to do to get the reward. Belkin writes:
“…every study that has looked at the topic has found that students who are led to focus on improving their grades tend to become less interested in learning as a result. And at least two studies have found that children who get positive reinforcement from their parents for helping or sharing actually become less helpful and more self-centered as a result. They’ve learned that the only reason to do something for someone else — or, in the other example, the only reason to learn — is because they’ll be rewarded for doing so. When the reward is no longer available, they’re less inclined to help or learn than they were to begin with. ”
Despite our best intentions, if we tell our kids to focus on grades alone, we might actually do more harm to their interest in learning in the long run. Or if we work hard at our jobs only for a better bonus at the end of the year, we’re likely to lose interest in the work we’re doing and burn-out quickly.
Let’s juxtapose external rewards with intrinsic rewards with some more research. In a 1973 study from Stanford University and University of Michigan, researchers divided children with interest in drawing into 3 groups–one group was told to expect a reward (a certificate with a gold seal and ribbon) for drawing, another group was given a surprise reward, and the last group did not expect and did not receive a reward. Each group was invited to another room to draw for 6 minutes, and then given the reward (or not) depending on their grouping. Over the next few days, they were observed to see how much they would continue drawing.
Which group drew the most? The groups given no reward or a surprise reward read the most (their results were statistically insignificant from one another). The reason being is that these groups drew out of interest and enjoyment, and they weren’t distracted by any external reward (the certificate). The group that expected the reward drew the least. This is because the extra incentive to read took away (or at least muddied) the intrinsic rewards from drawing.
OK now. You might be thinking, “Well that’s great, but why should I care about this?” Stick with me.
Let’s return to my Junior year breakdown period of growth. Despite questioning if I wanted to take time off, I ultimately decided that I would continue with my degree. But, I also promised myself that I would be committed to pursuing activities for their intrinsic rewards rather than external. That meant that when I studied, it wasn’t with a focus of learning what I needed to learn for the test, it was instead from a perspective that knowledge had value just for being knowledge, not for external rewards it could provide me.
How did this semester go for me? It was the best semester of my college experience. I felt the least amount of stress while taking some of the hardest classes. When I had work to do, I didn’t feel the need to procrastinate because I enjoyed what I was learning. And I listened to my body about how much studying I could do in a given period of time. When my body said I was done, I stopped. This coupled with using a Reverse Calendar meant that I was doing all the fun/soul-enriching stuff I wanted to do. Ultimately, when I focused on intrinsic reward, I was making different choices about the activities I did and how I spent my time. And as a result, I was thriving.
Fast forward to our adult lives. These external rewards can easily influence what we choose to do, and lead us on a less fulfilling path, if we are not aware of them. The most example of this is with our jobs. The biggest external reward in most of our lives is money. Have you ever chosen a job you liked less because it pays more? Would you be doing what you do now if not for the money? For many of us, the answers to these questions are yes and no, respectively.
I want to challenge you to think about the activities you find intrinsically rewarding. How much of a pay cut would you be willing to take to do more of them? If you are working an unfulfilling job right now, and the difference between your current job and a job in which you could do more work you find intrinsically rewarding is very small, what’s holding you back from making a switch? Similar amount of money + more fulfillment = winning formula for more joy in your life.
And even if you don’t decide to change your job, how could you add more intrinsically rewarding activities in your life? Oftentimes adding more joy to your life is a matter of awareness and intention—what less fulfilling activities could you replace with the ones that you love?
If you feel a bit out of touch with what activities are intrinsically rewarding, consider the questions below to help you find direction:
- What do you do in your free time?
- What did you do as a kid, or when you were in college?
- What websites do you find yourself gravitating to?
- What books do you read in your spare time?
The answers to these suggest your interests. A good place to start is by doing more of these; for example, if you are often on RottenTomatoes.com, you likely have an appreciation for art or storytelling. Perhaps give writing a shot, or attend events like The Moth.
The point of all this is that life is short, and to live our most joyful lives—to flourish—we need to practice the activities we actually care about.
Until next time!
-Brandon
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